In its own way, I believe the song “The Gambler” by Kenny Rogers says a lot about wisdom: “You gotta know when to hold ‘em / know when to fold ‘em”.
At this point in my life, as a new mother, I feel desperate for wisdom. With the flying leap I’ve made into adulthood in the past year, I feel inundated with voices and choices…and often at a loss as to how to respond. Lest, I pray for wisdom to know where to go when I am struggling in this sink-or-swim situation of marriage and motherhood.
In a recent post on his blog Glory to God for all Things, Father Stephen Freeman discusses “Reading Rightly.” Essentially, what he says is that when we read, it would benefit us to be discerning, not allowing ourselves to read just anything, but only those things profitable for our salvation.
He writes,
It’s not that Scripture or Canons or books of doctrine are to be avoided or forbidden to those beneath a certain age, but rather that we should learn to read with wisdom in an effort to grow spiritually and not in an effort simply to gain knowledge of a questionable sort.
I remember being in middle school the first time I encountered a series of books that are basically a fictional account of the apocalypse. For me, the series ultimately proved to be an amalgam of semi-interesting writing and bad theology, but permanently influenced my worldview into to the Chicken Little “The Sky is Falling!” narrative it is now, where I am always looking out for a crisis, for the end of the world.
True confession. I am an anxiety sufferer and chronic worrier. I also have this naive tendency to take anything in print, on TV, or on the internet as unadulterated gospel truth. There is just a certain finality and certitude about words in print or spoken by a newscaster that makes me believe that they tell no lies. Consequently, Fr. Stephen’s advice rings true with me.
Instead of being a naive and open vat for the “truths” put forth by every and any source, I have found I do better when I am selective about what I read and listen to, and how I hear. Like a spouse who faithfully avoids pornographic images for the sake of the beloved, so do I do well to avoid images, words, and reports that purposely invoke fear and worry over things that I can do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about.
There is a popular prayer (particularly among 12-step circles) that says:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
The wisdom to know the difference.
For me, this part of the prayer is the hardest. As I attempt to swim through this uncharted territory of adulthood, the sea of voices, opinions, and sensationalist reporting often threatens to drown me, as they beg me to look, to care about so many things. And yet, the only voice that really matters is the voice of God.
In the book of Kings, Elijah hears the voice of God not in the earthquake, fire, or wind, but in the “still small voice” after them. Well, if God’s habitation in my heart is a still, small voice, then my passions of vain ambition, pride, worry, anger (and all those other fun things) are its loud, obnoxious roommates, always striving to drown out its gentle leading.
So, as I learn how to be wise about what voices to listen to, my husband recently encouraged me to follow this advice of Elder Paisios:
“I know from experience that in this life people are divided in two categories. A third category does not exist; people either belong to one of the other. The first one resembles the fly. The main characteristic of the fly is that it is attracted by dirt. For example, when a fly is found in a garden full of flowers with beautiful fragrances, it will ignore them and will go sit on top of some dirt found on the ground. It will start messing around with it and feel comfortable with the bad smell. If the fly could talk, and you asked it to show you a rose in the garden, it would answer: “I don’t even know what a rose looks like. I only know where to find garbage, toilets, and dirt.” There are some people who resemble the fly. People belonging to this category have learned to think negatively, and always look for the bad things in life, ignoring and refusing the presence of good.
“The other category is like the bee whose main characteristic is to always look for something sweet and nice to sit on. When a bee is found in a room full of dirt and there is a small piece of sweet in a corner, it will ignore the dirt and will go to sit on top of the sweet. Now, if we ask the bee to show us where the garbage is, it will answer: “I don’t know. I can only tell you where to find flowers, sweets, honey and sugar; it only knows the good things in life and is ignorant of all evil.” This is the second category of people who have a positive way of thinking, and see only the good side of things. They always try to cover up the evil in order to protect their fellow men; on the contrary, people in the first category try to expose the evil and bring it to the surface.
“When someone comes to me and starts accusing other people, and puts me in a difficult situation, I tell him the above example. Then, I ask him to decide to which category he wishes to belong, so he may find people of the same kind to socialize with.”
Sometimes the thoughts in my head can feel like a chaotic swarm of flies and bees. Some thoughts like flies invite me to see dirt, death, destruction, the end of the world around every turn. Others are bees, inviting me to see beauty, goodness, truth…to connect, to cultivate the Kingdom here on earth.
I believe the still, small 
voice of God often comes to me through the voices of others. While this opens the door for meaningful connections, it also pushes me to be discerning, to listen to some voices while ignoring others. I believe the voice of the Elder may be helpful counsel in how to train my ears. Those discouraging voices that tell me to follow the flies: to gossip, to worry, to fret, to stockpile cans for the coming apocalypse, to pursue vain ambitions…these are the voices I should ignore.
On the other hand, the voices of those that encourage me to listen to the song of the bees–to be content, to see the good, to find beauty, to soak up every drop of honey that the Kingdom of God leaves here on earth are worth heeding.
Maybe growing wisdom is a combination of Elder Paisios and Kenny Rogers. We have to learn the flies from the bees; we have to learn when to hold ‘em and when to fold ‘em, when to listen and when to ignore, to let GO.
So, for today, may we ignore the flies and ride away on the bees. May we hear the still small voice of wisdom telling us where to go. Lord have mercy.
This makes me feel much better about the fact that I often don’t like some of the famous poetry I’m ‘supposed to’ like. It often leaves me with a churned stomach or a bad taste in my mouth.
I’ve struggled in the past with whether I should read certain poets because they’ve won a Pulitzer and I want to glean some wisdom of the craft. But wisdom of the craft is not separate from Wisdom period. I’ve been thinking a lot about how what one finds aesthetically pleasing directly correlates to the condition of one’s spirit–to what they find right in the world. And besides, the beauty of the craft is found most deeply in what is being said–how it is said is only there to be a crystal glass case to see through to the truth kept inside. So it is impossible to read poetry just to learn from the form. Anyways, it’s not very popular in the literary world to use deep discretion with what one reads–they say that you should read anything you can get your hands on. But this isn’t wisdom, now, is it?
In this way, we can preach the Gospel even in what literature we read and like. We begin, of course, by letting the Kingdom come within ourselves, by letting our minds sit on the sweet. Yum.
Great post! Oh, I can so relate. I too have to be vigilant about what information and influences I allow into my head, lest they subtly affect my peace of mind and overall world view. I love the shadow photo! : ) It’s precious!